Saturday, 12 January 2013

On the severe delays of Christmas cards...

"Run!" shouted the Doctor, dashing out the door.

I grabbed a blanket and ran, the TARDIS still wooshing and materialising behind us.

The postman leaned over the red cylindrical post box, shift eyes casting nervously around. A ticking filled the air. He unlocked the box and BOOM! The little door flew open in an explosion of red and white! The vortex of TARDIS wind sent hundreds of envelopes swirling like giant snowflakes in a blizzard! The man, overwhelmed, flailed in the maelstrom, beating off excitable Christmas cards.

The Doctor dashed towards the box, gesturing to the man, and simultaneously pointing his sonic screwdriver at the post box with a flashing whirring whine.

I ran to the postman, throwing a blanket over us both for protection.

A loud CRACK filled the air. In the darkness, the cards settled softly, heavy on top of the blanket.

We peeked out from under the blanket. Snow drifts of envelopes littered the pavement. The Doctor stood smugly triumphant, reading measurements on his screwdriver, a couple tiny envelopes still clinging to his jacket. He brushed them off absently as he switched off the sonic device.

"The glue of a thousand Christmas cards was being absorbed to fuel a thermonano device which would have wiped out all the fairy lights in North London. I've neutralised the device, reglued the envelopes and reassured all of the fairies."

The postman looked around with despair. "How will I get these delivered on time?!"

The Doctor lifts an empty mail bag with a grin and starts stuffing envelopes inside.

--

From the door of the TARDIS, the Doctor and I wave to the postman and a handful of glowing fairies. They drive away with full mail bags. The Doctor closes the Policebox door and the TARDIS flashes, whooshes, and dematerialises in the winter afternoon sun.

Unnoticed, a lone envelope flutters underneath a car in the TARDIS's breeze.

And that is why your card is late.

(PS I suspect it was the Silurians, determined to destroy a beloved human celebration.) 

No comments:

Post a Comment